


It's Okay To Cry

by loni_meow



Series: PruPan HetaOni [1]
Category: HetaOni, Hetalia: Axis Powers
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Character Death, Crying, First Kiss, Fluff and Angst, Gentle Kissing, Japan needs to let go and Prussia shows his gentle and caring side, M/M, One Shot, Time Loop
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-07
Updated: 2019-04-07
Packaged: 2020-01-06 05:45:41
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,213
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18382181
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/loni_meow/pseuds/loni_meow
Summary: Japan sees another time loop in his dream and has to watch Prussia die right in front of his eyes again. He wakes up screaming and searches comfort because he can't handle the pain anymore.





	It's Okay To Cry

_Blood_ _was_ _on_ _the_ _blade of_ _Prussia's_ _sword_ _,_ _but_ _the_ _longer_ _he_ _fought_ _,_ _the_ _more_ _weak_ _he_ _became_ _because of_ _his own_ _blood_ _loss_ _. Japan_ _couldn't_ _do_ _anything, his side hurt,_ _blood_ _coming_ _from_ _a_ _big_ _wound_ _._  
_"P-_ _Prussia_ _," he_ _gasped_ _,_ _reaching_ _out_ _for_ _the_ _white-_ _haired_ _who_ _had to_ _suffer_ _many_ _injuries_ _._

 _Japan_ _wanted_ _to stop_ _him_ _, he_ _didn't_ _want_ _him_ _to die, not again. He had_ _died_ _so_ _many_ _,_ _many_ _times_ _already_ _._

 _The_ _Japanese_ _man_ _tried_ _to stand up_ _and_ _he_ _did_ _,_ _but_ _he_ _couldn't_ _stand_ _looking_ _at all_ _that_ _blood_ _that_ _was_ _on_ _the_ _walls_ _and_ _the_ _floor - just_ _until_ _Prussia_ _made_ _the_ _final hit -_ _but_ _the_ _monster_ _did_ _,_ _too_ _._

 _Prussia_ _was_ _thrown_ _against_ _the_ _wall,_ _leaving_ _a_ _blood_ _stain_ _while he sank to_ _the_ _ground_ _._  
_The_ _monster_ _disappeared_ _._

 _Japan_ _stumbled_ _towards_ _Prussia_ _who_ _was_ _coughing_ _up_ _blood_ _and_ _fell to_ _the_ _ground_ _as_ _he_ _arrived_ _._  
_"_ _Prussia_ _,_ _please_ _,_ _get_ _up, I-... I will help_ _you_ _._ _We'll_ _find_ _some_ _medicine_ _. Stand up,_ _please_ _..."_

 _He_ _stared_ _up at_ _him_ _,_ _clutching_ _his_ _waist_ _. Japan_ _let_ _his hand_ _sink_ _and_ _tried_ _to_ _breathe_ _bit he_ _couldn't_ _,_ _especially_ _when_ _Prussia_ _took_ _his_ _chin_ _in his hand to_ _force_ _him_ _into_ _looking_ _at_ _him_ _._  
_"I'll... I'll_ _be_ _alright_ _._ _Thanks_ _for_ _..._ _worrying_ _."_

 _He_ _smiled_ _,_ _the_ _blood_ _even_ _stained_ _on_ _his_ _teeth_ _._  
_"No," Japan said, his heart_ _breaking_ _. "No, hang in_ _there_ _."_  
_Prussia's_ _muscles_ _relaxed_ _and_ _he_ _closed_ _his_ _eyes_ _,_ _the_ _hand_ _leaving_ _from_ _Japan's_ _chin_ _._

 _"No," Japan_ _whispered_ _,_ _nothing_ _more_ _than_ _a_ _little_ _sound in_ _the_ _darkness_ _that_ _was_ _around_ _them_ _. He_ _felt_ _dizzy_ _,_ _probably_ _from_ _both his_ _own_ _death_ _creeping_ _closer_ _and_ _seeing_ _Prussia_ _die again._

 _He_ _stared_ _at_ _the_ _Prussian_ _,_ _tears_ _welling_ _up in his_ _eyes_ _as_ _he_ _looked_ _into_ _the_ _other's_ _lifeless_ _ones_ _._

 _Why_ _does_ _it_ _always have to_ _be_ _him_ _?_ _Why_ _always_ _Prussia_ _? Japan_ _felt_ _so_ _useless_ _,_ _why_ _couldn't_ _he save_ _him_ _for_ _once_ _?_

 _Wasn't_ _there_ _a chance_ _that_ _he_ _maybe_ _lived_ _? One single chance? Just one?_  
_He put his fingers_ _on_ _the_ _point at_ _the_ _white-_ _haired_ _nation's_ _throat_ _to_ _search_ _for_ _the_ _pulse_ _and_ _the_ _tears_ _started_ _burning in his eyes as_ _he_ _felt_ _none._

_Prussia_ _was_ _dead_ _._

_Again._

"NOO!"

Japan opened his eyes violently and sat up in a matter of seconds. His breath was flat and fast while he was trying to get some air, but it all just got worse and worse.

He looked around himself and wondered where he was, it looked like the mansion, but he had been somewhere else in it, right? And where is Prussia?  
Japan swallowed down his upcoming hopelessness and tears when he actually recognized his location.

He was sitting in between the other nations, they all where laying in beds, except for him, since he was sitting uptight and another nation that Japan couldn't see from where he was. At least not clearly.  
Still, he had a feeling which nation would sit there - he had told him himself that he liked to stay up, so...  
"P-Prussia?"

Japan's breath became normal again and he closed his eyes, taking one deep one.  
"Yes, I am here. Are you alright? It sounded like a really uncomfortable nightmare. Can I help you?" the white-haired personification answered, trying to hide the worry in his voice.

"Could you please... just come here and sit down close next to me?" Japan asked, wondering himself what he - or his inner self - was planning since it didn't make sense for Japan to want people close to him.

Prussia got up from the chair he was sitting on and walked towards the black-haired nation, which already scooted over a bit so that the other could sit comfortably on the bed.

And so he sat down and Japan put the blanket over his legs too, so that he wouldn't get cold (at least that's the argument in his head, he ignored that Prussia had been sitting outside his bed on a chair before).  
Then, Japan sighed and noticed that he felt a bit better already, even though he still felt a big, painful pressure.

"Hey, Japan," Prussia started, unusually quiet and gentle, and close to the other's ear, which was why Japan felt goosebumps over his whole body after the white-haired spoke with him. "You seem really tensed. Is it really okay that I'm sitting here?"

"I asked you to," Japan said then, sounding tired but still sure. "It's just... all those things I'm seeing... They're pulling me down and it hurts."

Prussia gulped as he thought about his next move. He wanted Japan to let go a bit, but it won't happen when he keeps locking away his emotions.  
So, he scooted a bit closer and put an arm around the Japanese man, pulling him even closer so that their bodies touched.

Japan tensed more, clenching his fists and his eyes widening. Did Prussia just-  
He wanted to scoot away and run. That was way too much body contact for him. But then, something started to change with his feelings.

He took a deep breath and noticed the warmth, and how soothingly it felt, and suddenly, he didn't feel danger anymore. It calmed him down.

So, his body relaxed as he leaned more against Prussia's, his fists remained clenched but at least a bit less and his cheeks started heating up while his eyes closed on their own, embracing the comfort.  
But he knew, would he let every tension go away, he would start crying, and that would embarrass him to no end. It would make him seem weaker than his behavior here already did. But then, he heard a little sigh from Prussia as the white-haired put a hand on Japan's clenched fists that where lying right next to each other.

He seemed to know what was going on. Prussia seemed to be able to see through him in that moment. And that did scare Japan really, really much. So much, that he feared the moment when Prussia started to speak.

"You never show people how hurt you are. You never even show _yourself_ how hurt you are. I'm touched that you at least _told_ me that it hurt you. But I don't want you to suffer so strong because you keep your emotions in a cage. Cry, if you need to. Scream, if you need to. Go away from me if you're uncomfortable with my closeness. Do whatever you need to let go of the pressure. It's nothing to be embarrassed about and only _I_ will know what you're doing since everyone else is sleeping."

The black-haired gulped, not sure about the offer. He opened his eyes and looked down to his fists, seeing how his knuckles already turned white through Prussia's fingers. And then, he also felt some tears rising up, what made him gulp harder. Could he really just... let go?

Even though Prussia had a point, which Japan admitted to, it felt impossible to cry in front of someone else. But on the other hand, it only took him that last bit of tension to not be able to hold back anymore. And all those timelines, all those deaths, especially Prussias' over and over again, it hurt so much and he couldn't let go...  
No, he couldn't, exept for now. Now he could.

And so, he relaxed the last bit and couldn't suppress a strong sob anymore, which resulted in the tears that had come up a moment ago falling out of his eyes right on Prussia's hand that was still lying on his, so he definitely knew what was going on.

His body was shaking because of the sobs and the tears now streamed down his face, uncontrolled and free.  
He didn't care about the fact that his sobs were loud or that the tears ended up falling on Prussia's hand, he only felt that relief in his chest as the pressure slowly went down with every tear that came out.  
But the more he cried, the more violent his sobs became and he sunk into himself, which was why Prussia took his hand away for his new plan.

"Japan, is it okay if I-"  
"J-Just-" the Japanese man started, his voice shaking and weak, what must've startled him too, because he needed a moment before he could continue, "J-Just do what you w-want to do..."

Prussia nodded and put his arms around the body of the black-haired, pulling him into his lap. And before he could realize what was happening, he hugged him tightly.  
Japan didn't even tense, he just started to cry even harder because the comfort in his arms made letting go even easier. So easy, that he even started talking.

"I don't want to see those things anymore. It's always you. In every dream, it's always you. Every time, you die right in front of my eyes, protecting me or someone else. Why can't you live for once? Why can't _I_ protect _you_ for once? It hurts, it hurts... I just want you to live... " he ranted surprisingly consequent even though his voice was weak and shaking.

Prussia didn't expect him to talk about it, but now he understood a bit more.  
"Look, I'm here now. Nothing will happen to me, okay? I promise. I'm here for you right now, just for you," he whispered into one of his ears before he took Japan's hand into his.  
"And you can tell me whatever you want to tell me," he continued, still whispering, "or do with me whatever you want to do with me. The awesome Prussia won't leave you alone anymore."

Japan giggled shortly about the last sentence, which was why Prussia also had to laugh shortly. But it was so different from all the laughing that he did usually. It seemed so calm and somehow, Japan thought it was adorable.  
And slowly, the comfort in being close to Prussia made him stop crying, but where the pressure was, was happiness now. He couldn't tell why, but as he took deep, stable breaths and was able to swipe away his tears (still not looking up) without new ones coming out, he was just happy and smiled a little.

And, to be honest, he knew that Prussia would ask him if he would want to stop the closeness now that he had calmed down, but Japan was kinda afraid what he would think if he said no.  
But no was the right answer. He didn't want to leave Prussia's lap and arms now.

Instead of thinking further, he backed up a bit out of the hug, looked up and catched Prussia staring at him, which was why he started blushing a bit. But all of that made Japan actually smile and scoot around a bit on Prussia's lap to be even closer.  
"H-Haha, Japan, don't move too much," he muttered, trying to sound tough and funny. But then, he let that guard down and sighed, putting a hand on Japan's cheek.

"You look so adorable with red cheeks, chaotic hair and your eyes looking like this after crying," Prussia said, getting surprised by Japan as he leaned into the touch.  
"And you should show your gentle side more," he said, making Prussia's eyes widen. "I-I... I don't know what you're talking about! I'm not gentle."  
"Say what you want to say but I know what I'm feeling," Japan answered, looking into Prussia's eyes as he tried to look away and also tried to think of another excuse for this.  
"F-Feeling?"  
"Yes."

Prussia stared at him dumbfounded while his glare was at his eyes first but then wandered down to his lips. He gulped visibly and stared at his eyes again.

"I saw that," Japan commented, making Prussia completely ashamed.  
"A-Ah, sorry, I-"  
"No, don't be sorry. Now I know it."  
And so, Japan put a hand on Prussia's cheek too, leaning forward slowly so that the other man could know what happened and pull away or something, but instead of that, he leaned forward too and their lips met quickly, but gentle.

Japan almost started to cry again, but this time out of joy. Finally, he had him here, safe, and now he even had him this way. And what was going on with Prussia's emotions... it was more like an explosion, but he didn't want to leave it out on Japan, so he kept the kiss gentle and felt his heart race and race and race.  
They didn't know how long it hold, they didn't feel anything but the gentle and warm lips of the other and their feelings flipping over. Everything was perfect in that moment and every shame was gone.

So was every fear of the coming days and nights in the mansion and the possibility that one of them just dies again within the next hours. They knew that they couldn't promise anything for the future, but it was something to try, right?

And if they got out, they'd have each other safe and wouldn't be alone anymore. And maybe, just maybe, Japan would be able to share more feelings while Prussia showed his gentle behavior to others more instead of keeping it a secret.

_Or maybe they'd be there forever and won't remember anything in the next time loop, just like it was in all those before._


End file.
